I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what actually counts as a hobby . . . and whether some of the most meaningful parts of our lives quietly qualify, even if we’ve never called them that. Because grandmothering — at least the way I’m experiencing it right now — feels a lot like one.
According to Miriam Webster, a hobby is:
- A pursuit engaged in for pleasure, relaxation, or amusement — CHECK
- Something done for personal satisfaction — CHECK
- Distinct from one’s main job — CHECK
- Something you do regularly — CHECK
- Done by choice — CHECK
- Provides enjoyment and fulfillment — CHECK
- Requires active engagement — CHECK
- Usually unpaid — CHECK, CHECK, and CHECK!
So now I see . . . grandmothering really IS a hobby, well what d’ya know?
Two Grandmothers in One Body
As many of you know, grandmothering, it turns out, is not one role. It’s many. I have two very different grandmothering experiences happening at the exact same time. I have twin grandsons in London who are 12, which means they are technically still children, but also . . . not really. And then there’s Gianna, who is one year old and lives in my daily orbit, which means I experience grandmothering with her in real time — every single day.
And let me tell you, these are not exactly the same hobby. They take slightly different skills and require staying abreast of the newest trends in childrearing and being very cognizant of how our children want their children, raised. Very important point, ladies. Like knitting today, it basically the same as I learned it 50 years ago, but if I didn’t stay on top of new stitches and patterns, my outcomes would be slightly disappointing.
With Gianna, I am on the floor, fully committed to whatever game we’re playing, which often involves stacking something only to watch her knock it over with great enthusiasm. I am reading the same book multiple times in a row as if it’s the first time I’ve ever seen it. I am, quite literally, keeping up. Exactly what is required of any hobby we want to succeed it.
With my grandsons, it’s different. There are conversations. Observations. Moments where I’m trying to stay connected without being intrusive. And because they’re in London, there’s also the added layer of distance — which means I have to be more intentional, more creative, and sometimes more patient than I’d like to admit.
To be honest, I didn’t expect grandmothering to require this much range, but I’m learning . . . and adjusting — quickly.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn’t just “being a grandmother.” I was fulfilling many roles, stand-in mom, cook, playmate, friend and someone who really cares about the outcome of the project (i.e. grandchild). And in a strange way, it started to feel just like a hobby — something I was actively engaging in by choice, and that brought me more joy and satisfaction than any job I’ve ever had.
“What I’m Learning (and Relearning) About This ‘Hobby’”
Let’s start with the obvious. The basic skills are the same. Food they like; games they enjoy; books that provide value, and lots of caring. You’re probably thinking, ‘exactly what I did for my kids’. But this hobby you’ve embarked upon is different. For one, these are not your kids so you must always take their parents’ wishes into consideration, as a matter of fact their methods should always be at the top of your list.
If they don’t want their children eating candy, PLEASE don’t sneak and give them candy because you know what? One day, they’re going to rat on you. And while it may seem harmless, your children may feel undermined — which could result in you spending less time engaging in your very important hobby. Don’t do it ladies, trust me. Even when you don’t agree, just bite your tongue and honor your child’s wishes. And never tell you kids ‘when you were little, I did it this way and you turned out fine’. No just no.
You must also remember that life as we know it is different, BUT no different than when we had our kids. Our parents often didn’t agree with the way we raised our little ones, but if they were smart (and my mom was), they zipped it and agreed with us, even though they felt drops of blood oozing down their chins from were biting their tongues in the process.
Keep in mind hobbies are supposed to bring us joy and this very important hobby will if handled right. There’s lots of info out there on the various forms of parenting for you to read. Find out which is preferred by your son or daughter and get on board . . . fast.
The Long Distance Version of Love
With my grandsons (who live in London), grandmothering looks quieter. And more thoughtful. Because I don’t have the luxury of daily presence, I’ve had to learn how to show up differently. A message. A call. Remembering what matters to them right now — which, at 12, can change without notice.
Pre-teens and early teenage kids, I’ve learned, communicate primarily in short responses and occasional enthusiasm. You take what you can get. But here’s the thing — the connection is still there. It just requires a different kind of attention. Talk to them find out what they like, ask their parents what their lives look like and what gets them excited and learn as much about it as you can. At one point my long-distance grandkids were into science and nature so I ordered them a National Geographic Kids subscription delivered to their homes. They were ecstatic and not only was it a learning experience for both of us, but I learned right along with them, as they shared so much fascinating information with me that I wasn’t even aware of!
Presence looks different depending on where you are… and who you’re with. With Gianna, it’s physical, immediate, joyful chaos. With my grandsons, it’s quieter, more intentional, and sometimes requires a little patience while waiting for a reply that may or may not include punctuation. Neither is better. Both matter.
A Trip to Paris Made Me Realize What a Great Hobby I Had Chosen
Somewhere along the way, I had a thought that surprised me. I didn’t want to forget these moments. Both the big ones and the small ones.
The way Gianna looks at something with complete curiosity. The way the boys laugh at their own riddles — especially when I don’t know the answers. The in-between moments that don’t announce themselves as important . . . but are.
And that’s when something shifted.
Last year, before a trip to Paris, I took a photography class. At the time, I thought it would just help me take better vacation photos — which it did. My post-trip pictures were better than anything I had taken before. But what I didn’t expect was what happened afterward. I kept going. I continued learning, working with Nick (the instructor), and slowly started seeing things differently. Light. Composition. Moments.
And without even realizing it, my focus shifted. It wasn’t about taking better pictures anymore. It was about not missing the moments that mattered. Especially with my grandkids.
Now, when I’m with Gianna, I notice things I would have rushed past before. The light coming through the window. The way she reaches for something. The quiet moments in between the busy ones.
And with my grandsons, even from a distance, I think more intentionally about how to stay connected — how to be present in a way that fits where they are in life.
Surprisingly, I also started taking better food pictures. When I created this blog and a Recipe feature, I knew I’d need pictures, so why not just take them myself? I studied photography as a hobby and it has already helped me in so many ways. Not just for vacation and grandbaby photos, but for my own pleasure and that of my family.
No matter which hobby you pursue, documenting it with a beautiful photo will make a tremendous difference. It made me realize that some hobbies aren’t just meant to be experienced . . . they’re meant to be remembered. More to come on this in a future blog.
A Gentle Thought to Carry With You
If you’re a grandmother — whether your grandchildren are nearby or far away, little or growing up faster than you’d like — maybe the question isn’t whether you’re doing it “right.” Maybe it’s simply this: Are you present in the way they need you to be right now?
Because that answer will look different for all of us because in all its forms, it’s a kind of magic worth showing up for.
Maybe some of the most meaningful “hobbies” in this season of life aren’t new at all . . . maybe they’re the roles we choose to approach with more intention, more presence, and a little more heart.
Until next time, keep . . .
